| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2009|07:40 pm] |
your team has got to have disapline.
youve got to have independence.
and youve got to thrive.
no matter how hard you party u got to make sure you work twice as hard. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|09:01 pm] |
you want to give yourself a career.
you don't want to have to relie on a husband.
you want financia;l independence.
this christmas give yourself of independence
thats my turtle shell with people i think im not worthy cause
i havent much. i cant just do and own it .
i always adjust to people and it kills my insides and takes
my life away . i want to own it. but how do you own it .
before id just run run and withdawl always with gulit.
ever leting myself stand and support myself.
supporting yourself from nothing is scary because it feels help less.
but thats okay i just have to ignore everyone and move forward.
move forward even if your unwanted Force yourself from what you want.
your worth it.screw uncertainy screw where you are
just do do DO fuck it and get going.
No one is worth convinceing what
you no is truth for yourself .
EXPLAIN NOTHING ,just do what you need to
be doing to get where you want .
you cant wait or ask for what it is your wanting
and it doesnt have to be justified. live the life you want
it doesnt have to match society and it want please people
but does that matter incomparison to a life not lived its your own
you owe it to no one use it the way that fills the wants that others cant feel .
live your life.dont live anyother way or you will deserve little because you tryed for little. to make others happy is easier. push and make evryone question
you because your actually doing somthing instead of poping out babies an hiding in
a strangers arms. your being you separate yourself. dont listen to small minds they want get it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|05:34 pm] |
i forgot my ambitions and my sleep patterns trying get to do things at others whims and sheduals .
now i have to start up my good habbits of sleep time and fitness and being health concious and active.
15, 20 lbs heavier with no struture .
cant whine just gotta do it pecie by pecie.
band art -set deadline
- Set work shedual for it
(while sea bass is at school)
- Maria to deign decorate room like a hotel.
- yard sale a side table/lamp/ jawers
- Set up bed frame |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|08:41 pm] |
today was the slowest day of my life id rather not relive it . i dont want to go back there to those days were were i felt like i had to hide a dirty sercret of change that i needed medicine,.so what. fuck off. people who never had an issue in there lives always shout the loudest. they say the same ill educated thing every damn time.clue less as usual the only reason why you would take medicine is if you had somthing dibilitating your life .itd have to be affecting what you know is not right, that is starting to stabatage your life.
people that dont experience it to an unnessary degree everyday wouldnt understand it.
just tell em' to get a medical text book and shut the fuck up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|09:41 pm] |
maybe people arent boring.maybe were just
interested in different things and i cant relate to
what your interested in.
i want people who are alive and have a pulse
who recogise life for what it is ]to eat up the world and
not feel my ear up with mudane things
i mean where all mudane pull the pants on one leg time
but come on filter and elaborate what you say
because i dont give a fuck about the weather'
give me somthing worth my time, or i will look up at you
with empty eyes because you bore mankind you
kill the life out of me .now outta my face
i use to fill bad when i hated the company i was with not hate
thats a strong word but when you feel the sloooow drain and you just want to scream
because theres nothing.
well baby its not you
and it aint me! so now that i know its just a conflic or lack of interest im okay with that.
i go to bed in peace now. i like that ,i can not feel bad i can just be.
my fucking AH ha moment BEAT THAT OPRAH WHINFREY |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 2nd, 2009|07:34 pm] |
i want to be a writer but honestly,. i think to hard and blow it.
i want to live so bold but my beds so comfortable if i stay to long its a trap.
god i want things that are so much better than me you no the things tha
t seem so well packaged so nomal. suppose these creatures are not better
or above me? dont fuckin blow the illusion , ethier way because i want to believe in
somthing better than me.maybe a grownup. sometimes i fall back so hard on juvenille
that i throw my hands up in the air and just dare someone to let me fall .
i swear i belong in a solo exsistence like monks one were no one has any influennce or distraction.
extremes are nessary for me to win otherwise i give up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2009|11:11 am] |
Facebook - is nothing private anymore?
sebastions up.wheres my life?
i havent anytime for it anymore.
dont have a silent nervous breakdown.-
one thing at a time. gym membership 75 flat.
account put in money.
Things that are important to me.
- set /shedualed routines
gym classes
LOOK UP:
class start dates
-take painting class
Don't look back, you can never look back."~ Don Henley |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2009|10:57 am] |
Dear journal;
sometimes my mom pretends that she can cook, i wish she wouldnt.
Also i think crying is kind of brillant.
its like the relief of a fresh shower,
after a cramped bus ride going nowhere
at least no where you wanted to be going..Aha i laugh. THE END, |
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| never do these, it made me hungry and irritated ,but i did it god nos why.go me. |
[Dec. 21st, 2008|10:24 am] |
Where did you begin 2008?
oh. its 2009 this year is it ! well fuck why didnt anyone tell me,.
What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Me telling a dude that .what .what do you mean...what am i doing for valentines?
what does anyone do thats werd.
Were you in school (anytime this year)?
on occassion ,i like to make roll call.
Did you have to go to the hospital?
Sure i do no other people.
Did you have any encounters with the police?
I did, and i read that people who smile in there drivers liscencs get less ticketed than the norm who dont! fasniating.
Where did you go on vacation?
i dont deserve a vacation.
What did you purchase that was over $500?
um thatd be purchases who the hell would coume home with just one thing for 500 dollars.
unless it was a table but even those dont cost that much .
Did you know anybody who got married?
one year i new someone but i pretended to forget ,was that last year?i mean no.
Did you know anybody who passed away?
unfornately yes.
Did you move anywhere?
true.
What sporting events did you attend?
blank.
What concerts/shows did you go to?
the free ones.
Where do you live now?
Hey Now!
Describe your birthday?
did you forget mom and dad. some one elses parents ahaha werd ,a mexican cake ,a box of sittles, and phone calls?right.i think.
What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2008?
show up and follow through ...god bless maturity on and (minus maturity) when i lived with Doctor Jekle and Mr. Hyde
What has/have been your favorite moment(s)?
realizing i love my friends through thick and thin (thats what love is) 'aha moment' and relizing what a circle of genius'es i have accumulated. i love that i get to live in the same decade with them.
What's something you learned about yourself?
that you demand what you get. treat yourself how you want to be treated by men anyone,dont take anyless. shove shit to the side and get out there and talk to the world you have options honey...and that is fucking liberating. i wait on no one. i learned that life is fasniating and you dont have to deal with shitty people ,there not that cool anyway.and that there really is a better life thats yours and you must stick to your convictions ,stick to whats right to you. parents,realationships,casual what? YOU DECIDE ,guilt,.fear,.there wishes are not god,.they do not no what you want for yourself, they will not understand it ethier so do not try telling them!! show them through time. your life lead by others wishes is not a TRUTH .
Any new additions to your family?
Donkey
What was your best month?
The month i started school ,to feel control is sanity and strenght. a displine creates delvelops a belief in yourself to tell the rest the world to get the fuck outta your way. like your opinions are onions to the weak no move i got things to do not worry about with you.
What music will you remember 2008 by?
that riannha song where it says bascilly dont live for the wrong things or other people...''so Live Your Life''
Made new friends?
indeed.
Any regrets?
That i was fericer . that in the semester i had a stronger voice . to have put more of and active imput into the classroom hell take advatage of minds around you engage more even days i wanted to bury my head and sleep for a year.
What do you want to change in 2009?
Not taking peoples bullshit.
I'm going to try to not be afraid of the phone and social contact. I'm going to be more supportive of people I love. I'm going to try to stop being bitter about my classes all being BULLSHIT and just put up with it like everyone else (but it's sooo hard to keep my mouth shut). I always say I want to work on my procrastinating but that's pointless. -'this girl spoke my heart!'
Overall, how would you rate this year? From 1-10?
i'd say and 8 for knowlege of people and really absoring and nuturing realationships thats become really important and interesting to me.its the point of life people.take them away and you have routines ,strict regiums ,no purpose to embrace what god has givin you if you think of it.
What would you change about 2008?
i would have left my house, myself more prehaps !
Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
reading taking notes from everything ,filling notebooks losing my mind its almost as a complusion. i get absorbed and taken flung in so many directions .if i had more of a focus in one area i could have a book from gathered resources and thought merged as its on philiospy...i have no idea what im talking about.
Have any life changes in 2008?
Yes.
Change your hairstyle?
bleach me white santa!
Get a new job?
cow shit and oh i dont get paid for eating books or colouring or thinking.
How old did you turn this year?
87/ or `12 its a close call.
Do you have a New Year's resolution?
___________________________
What was/were your favorite purchase[s]?
this tea that has ' thistle milk in it it cleanse your liver and has you feeling like a new born in the morning .im not kidding
Get married or divorced?
No.
Get arrested?
No.
Be honest - did you watch American Idol?
No thanks.
Did you get sick this year?
mucus i hate you!
Start a new hobby?
photo /and printing /out of photo paper but my ink is low so my photos come out a really great warn vintage colour.
Been snowboarding?
No.
Are you happy to see 2008 go?
bye girfriend, im seeing the newyear without a histiory! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2008|02:29 pm] |
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My stomach is swollen is this soda or a baby!?
neither its just a cookies
LOTS of cookies!!and sweets.
It's winters fault , cageing me in like this ...right ?? dar.
okay i have a new favorite word - '' resolve ''
i love all its synonyms - boldness,conclusion,courage,
decidedness,design,earnestness,firmnessfixed purpose,
intention, objective, project, purpose,
purposefulness, resoluteness,..resolution,steadfast, ..undertaking, will,willpower.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2008|08:08 am] |
insecurity is a total bitch, unbearable actually.
suck it up!
and tell em all to shove it you got a bigger agenda in life.
check list
- dye hair
- make/find a b-day gift
- college gymn
- mail post card
- all in sleep aid
- avoid your feelings
- simplif downsize room today!!
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2008|06:45 pm] |
im so behind i cant even keep up with myself right now.
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2008|05:05 pm] |
Heres a nice reminder :
Tommarrow s Plan \ verses Tomarrows Reality - Plan : wake up early dye my roots ?who am i kidding. // Reality : wake up 15 minutes past time. panic/! freeze drag youyr self slower but in a sick tasteless frenzy.
- Oh brother this list reminds me of my entire issue of late!! my inabity to get this semester geting on track.
- i feel so scattered /wreckless. as in i no im defeated im waving goodbye already no really teacher you dont have to tell me this coming to class late has to stop , im a fizzled faliure in redemption.i did tell u i you i intended to bring up my test scores and made a 94 the very next test so have some faith kitten or at least fake it for my confidence lord knows i have little invested in me from other sources. i suppose i could have told him ....this isnt my semester i nearly got creamed in a wreck on my way to your class, missed last test because i got sick and couldnt drive myself into town but you see what about the rest of the times ---oh i simply can not pull my ass togather lately. oh you dont care? yea, well im trying to ,( care' that is ) so cut me some slack.
- whining is lame i cant stop - i feel frazzled ill get in the groove of things soon enough.
so i learned im a big geek and i want this baby blue in my hands. typing labels and stationary .
It's Portable tooooo! i know i almost busted a nut to .
now i can type make out, list ,sticky organiser- labels /school papers any and every where !
..... Legiable writting at my finger tips :)
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| Grace the Bitch we hate is on line one! |
[Sep. 22nd, 2008|08:04 pm] |
Don't sass me!
gym rat
ive took on a new habbit!
instead of my usall, shoveling sour patch kids in my mouth 'while i read fitness magazines
-i joined a cardio class at the college Wha-la! by far more effective. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2008|09:17 pm] |
| | [Aug. 22nd, 2008|08:02 pm] | foods high in alkalinty such as; nuts,soy,nonyeast breads,virgin oils are high energy food and will strenghten you
whille highly acdic food such as flour based cereals,meats,dairy and sugars lower your energy and will weaken you
is that why i feel like crap sometimes.i think so. |
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reminder to myself..
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| 1,2,..3 PLAN for getting started in Anything. |
[Aug. 29th, 2008|12:37 pm] |
im trying this whole prouductive routine - its do do, even if its crap move your ass and try everything... - ask, beg make your opportunities
no matter where you are - small towns have walls too. - excuses ,leave you in the same spot everytime -No where .
I should no i was there for 4 years.GROSS. muh ha or tears - fuck it and move forward.
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| DAY: 1 in livejournal. |
[Aug. 29th, 2008|12:27 pm] |
Fresh Start, woot wooot! yea
i have five other journals but i can never remeber the passwords...except to this beauty so i'll be using this.
damn you shitty scanner with no tool bars.
Apple compter made for art -i want you. |
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fooodporn's journal
